I forgave

I have read many stories and many books where people didnt have the chance to say goodbye or to give those whom needed the forgiveness well here is my chance.
I forgive you all. My family, my friends, anyone close to my heart, strangers, enemies.

I forgive you for everything. I want you to go on living without a sharp pain of regrett. Not having that chance to ask me for forgiveness. I know i was a pain in the butt and i broke many rules and i hurt and i lied. I hope you all can forgive me.

Maybe i wont be there in person to give you a handshake or a hug but i truly have forgiven you. My heart holds no black list.

I love you mom and dad so very much. You have taught me and raised me well, all the good things came from you, from your teaching. All the bad habits and bad choices came from me. I am sorry for causing you all the pain and worries. I love you and i know some day we will meet in heaven. Dont worry about me, i am no longer suffering or making others suffer with my stubburness (yes i prolly misspelled that), i aint perfect.

God Bless You all...

I love you all

Thankful for you all in my life...

(this is me marina being my weird self)...lol

Will He Ever Know?

I think about him night and day, day and night, anytime i see him i get butterflies in my stomach. That young feeling. Anytime we talk or laugh i feel sparks between us. We hang out. We go places together, he treats me like i am special to him. He told me that he can never imagine losing me. Is he the one for me? Or am i blinded again? We tell each other how much we like each other. What if i feel more than "like" between us, what if i do love him. In Jan will be 1 Year for us since we known each other, at first we were just friends, since my husband wasnt able to be there he was (he told me everything would be alright and that my husband was lucky), then once my marriage failed he was still holding on to me. I feel so happy when i hear from him. Will I ever get the chance to tell him how my heart truly feels for him or will the truth die with me?

My Truth

I am so lonely. Anywhere i go there are couples, to the left and to the right. Makes me wonder will that ever be me? seriously and i know my friends tell me just wait he is just around the corner. Which corner? I am trying to be reasonable. Yes i just got out of a divorce. Which is embarrassing but what could i do he didnt love me, and i thought i loved him. It was a blinded marriage. Didnt even feel like a marriage we got married and 3 weeks later he was locked up. Someone told me they think i will never be in a real relationship. They say that once the relationship hits the 7 month mark then i start to find reasons to get away. I looked and thought about it and yes in some cases that is true. But in those 7 months the real person starts showing up and i dont like that person or we just dont get along and we have different meanings and our thoughts dont complete each other. Most of my friends are in love, getting married having children and me i got nothing. No man in my life. Nobody to hold me tight and tell me they love me for who i am. Will i ever get my 2nd half? do i have a soulmate? or was i meant to be alone? These are questions i seem to have in my mind alot. Will they ever be answered? Well i have had this cooped up in my life. I know God will send me the right man, the man he has chosen for me, just it isnt my time. I know i have to leave everything up to him, but i cant help it and wonder on my own. I sound like a sad lost little soul. I am sad most of these days, i dont shout it from the roof tops and not many of my friends know how i am. I hide this side of me. Well at least here i can share it.